How do I make him understand that our marriage is over?

I have been married for 16 years. We have been together for over 19 years. In the beginning of our relationship everything was as close to perfect as could be. No one gave any less than the other. As the years have gone by I feel like I am slowly drowning and at times I feel death has got to be better than this marriage. I am not perfect and I have contributed to the decline of my marriage, by allowing myself to be sucked into the tit for tat games he likes to play like who can call the other the nastier name or who can hurt the others feelings the most. We started out with both of us working and bringing everything to the table. However, as time went by my husband morphed into this man whom I no longer know, however I am sure that I am constantly unhappy and most days I feel that death has got to be better than this marriage. My husband has gone from a man who beamed with pride just knowing he was doing his best to support his family. He has had well over 150 jobs in the last 15 years, 90% of those jobs he left on his own accord and never had a definitive backup plan. I guess being angry at his boss or coworkers was more important than family stability. I find myself thinking back to happier times when I actually looked forward to him coming home from a job, just to be in his company. Nowadays we play the tick for tack games. Everything that's said is taken so literally that it makes me sick to my stomach. We constantly try to one up one another in the insults department. Even as I post this thread...how sad that this is what we have become. I have often asked him the question: If I make you so unhappy why don't you just leave? I used to fool myself by thinking that the reason he stayed was because he loved me..I couldn't have been more wrong. I have a desire to talk about how I am feeling and he'd rather roll over and go to sleep. Intimacy is out of the question for me, the mere thought of it makes my skin crawl. I don't understand how he feels I am supposed to desire someone who is so oblivious to what we've become to one another, opponents in this game called marriage. I am weary from all of the worrying about the family having shelter, lights, water, food and clothes. It saddens me when I think about the lack of concern he shows when it comes to the necessities, I won't get into the ';wants';. I get angry when I hear him snoring at night without a care in the world, knowing that we are always on someones disconnect list! I am the one carrying the family weight and now my back is broken. I don't want to work another day and leave him home in bed to sleep all day. In all the years that we have been married, the only thing I have ever asked was that he communicate with me..give me piece of mind. I shouldn't have to go to work and worry all day that he's walked off another job and not thought about how this will affect our family. I have never gotten that upset or let anyone get under my skin on the job to the point that I forget about our children's welfare or our ever mounting bills. My love has turned into dislike and I know it's only a matter of time before that dislike turns into HATE! I feel as if I have aged 15 years in the last 4 years. I am ashamed to see anyone because I feel they'll see the sadness in my eyes and the aged look that I possess. His once kind words are more like venom now. I expressed to him years ago that it would be better for us to walk away while we could at least be civil to one another that to stay together and end up hating one another, I am too old for these childish games that he constantly pulls me into. I want this to be over so badly that I lied and told him that I had had an affair hoping this would make him finally say he's done...he's still here, using me for a place to sleep, eat, and have someone support him. I have made plans to file for divorce. I just want this marriage to be over. The question is will he accept that it is truly over?How do I make him understand that our marriage is over?
your story is tragic and l feel you should seek professional counselling.


l am not qualified to give you an answer but l have to commend you on


a brilliantly written description and when you eventually get out of your


present situation and are settled,you should seriously think of some


form of writing as you appear to have a rare talent,good luck to you.How do I make him understand that our marriage is over?
You need to have a private talk with him.


Say I no your obsessed with but we have to go our separate ways.


If that does'nt work tell him to ****off.
Yes I'm sure that it will one day hit him that your marriage is over. But it is going to have to be his decision. As I was reading your question It brought back the memory of when I was going through the exact same thing. No matter how much I tried to talk he just would not listen. For years we kept going through the motions and kept spinning our wheels but got nowhere. Then just when I was resolved to thinking that I was going to try on work on our marriage and at least try to be happy, Boom! He decided to wake up and started going through all kinds of changes. Drinking to much,staying gone all the time and cheating. then it was his decision that the marriage was over. Finally. You have just got to keep telling him that your both unhappy and there is no sense to try to keep something alive that has been dead for a long time. Keep busy with your job and children. If he wants to destroy himself...Let him. But do not allow him to drag you down with him. Just make sure that you will be prepared for the consequences that will arise from this. It's not going to be easy. But it will give you some peace of mind. You know it's over. It's just going to be a matter of convincing him. Good Luck.
He'll have to accept that it's over when he gets the final divorce decree and the sheriff comes to evict him.
He is not going anywhere as long as you keep providing for him. He had pride when he was contributing to your household, but, what did that mean, what kind of jobs was he doing. I guess you were both young when you got married and he had no real education that would lead to a promising job, a decent future. But now that he is older and still doing, or was doing jobs that had no future, he sees himself as a failure. He never really had a job that ever required a skill besides loading and unloading. After 150 different jobs, he still remains low on the ladder to success. Most likely having to take orders from persons that don't speak his language. Like I said, I believe you got married young without thinking of where your future was heading. Telling him you had an affair will not help you when you do file for divorce. I wish you the best in whatever you do!