There are a number of women that go through this and to be honest there is no one answer. You can always get a babysitter for the night and as soon as hubby gets home on a night that he does not have to work the next day go to a motel (doesnt have to be expensive just one for about 25 dollars a night) take food that has already been cooked and some candles from home. Have an evening alone. enjoy just being with each other for a night and enjoy each others company. Tell him hey if you want to take a nap for an hour fine but I want tonight to be ours. Get naked and just talk for a while and ';catch up'; in the buff to reconnect. When you get home take the rest of that day to spend with baby. You will have had your time and still not take away from baby. Schedule this once a month to always know that you are cared for and loved. Sometimes after a baby the relationship slows down this does not mean that you have to lose your marriage into the baby abyss. It just means that you have to work a little harder to keep who you were before baby. It doesnt have to be expensive when me and my husband do this we only spend $5 for gas and $25 for hotel and we just bring something fromhome to eat so that we can focus on just each other for the night and not traffic or waiters or other people in general. That night is only about us and we keep it that way. You have to figure that is $30 a month for us to ensure that our communication and love and connection is not lost with the bustle of the day to day. Please let me know what you think even if that is just by emailing me saying worst idea yet. Just let me know.Marriage??
That's a tough one. 12 hour days can really zap your energy and ';having fun'; doesn't sound appealing at all.
The best thing he could do is change jobs to something that allowed him more time off.
This is what i hate about America these days. We can't have traditional family values if one of us is killing ourself trying to bring in the money.
well you need 1 or 2 nights a week you do stuff just for u so u should hire a babysitter and go out to dinner or any where or have your 2 year old son go 2 his grandmoms house so you can be with your husband.
that is what i think i wish you good luck.
You got sucked into machine. Me too. But vacation of a full month is coming and this might improve things. Solution is in job-hours reduction, and don't start with money problems or let him start with them. You will survive without couple of hundreds monthly. But will marriage?
Talk to him and set aside time for each other. Even if it is for 30 min. a day. Even if it is just talking or hugging, make an effort. But talk to him first to agree on setting aside the time because it is teamwork.
let him know how you feel on this matter . my opion?
good marriage is an intimate and loving relationship which gives both partners security, friendship, companionship, support, comfort, and deep love that penetrates every aspect of life. None of this can be achieved without work and sacrifice.
Marriage may be compared to a plant that requires daily nurture, daily attention, daily care and cultivation. It will not develop of its own accord; only as effort and will are exerted will it grow and mature. For a marriage to succeed, both husband and wife must be committed to its success. They must build an enduring love relationship that is centered in the heart of their consciousness. Their relationship must be nurtured with the water of loyalty and love.
Sounds like my wife and I am going through. I work 10 hour days and she works too. We have a 5 1/2 month old baby.
We only have 1 day off together so we have to make it count.
Sundays are our day. We do only family actvities and usually try to squeeze in a date of some kind too, even if its just going to a movie or something.
Best thing to do is communicate how you feel. He will need to make time for you and your son.
Try giving him a gallon of coffee laced with meth(intravenously).
He needs to realize that you work ALL DAY too!!! You are tired too but you try to have time for the two of you!! Being a stay at home mom is hard work!!! I have a 2 1/2 yeard old and a 5 year old plus I babysit a 2 year old!!! It is HARD!!! But I still manage to squeeze time in for him...try tomake him see that you are as tired as he is....and go to bed when your son does!!! Have a little one on one!!! Once you start it should be ';hard'; for him to stop!!! Excuse the pun!!! LOL! Good luck! And cheers to you, a stay at home mom!!!
Hmm...well you have to understand that he works hard and a lot. He also needs to understand, that you guys need to have special time together, even if it's just curling up and watching a movie together or sitting and talking. Talk to him and express that you guys need time together...it's important for any relationship to work.
This is what you should do...
When he gets home have a nice homecooked dinner on the table. When he is done eating take hime to the bedroom. Maybe get a bottle of wine and some strawberries. Feed each other. after this he WILL be ready for you. I tried this with my husband and be and him have many wild nights. Give it a shot. IT WORKS!!!!!
Be proactive. Have him take time off and spend that quality time together. Hire a babysitter. Just don't let this continue. You may end up holding it against him...
You need to take charge!!! Surprise him think about what you guy`s did when you 1st were together. Get something from Victoria`s Secret or even Walmart has some sexy nighties and take control. Guy`s like that I know I do and love it when she talks dirty to me!! Big turn on even if your tired!!!
take a shower together!
have him spoon you in bed and talk about your day!
get netflix (i highly recommend them, i use them) and watch a movie together after babys in bed!
take a walk together after dinner!
go for a nite time drive someplace in the boonies and look at the stars! maybe your son will be asleep by the time you reach your destination (hint hint)
go camping and snuggle by the fire!
leave him a love note! (i used strands of my hair that fell out while i washed it in the shower and wrote ';i love you'; on the tub wall).
take a shower before he does, then go in the room like your getting ready for bed and instead be naked for him when he gets out of his shower.
hope this helps
good luck
I wasn't going to answer, but I read down to like the 3rd answer or so and someone suggested that he wasn't in to you. I don't know what other kind of nonsense bs people have suggested, but in this forum peeps always say things like that, say he should quit his job, he is a bad man, etc. That is completely ridiculous!
You need romance. That is completely understandable, realistic, you deserve it, he deserves it, so forth. Coming from the angle that your husband is a bad man, at fault, not doing what he should, etc. is, first of all ridiculous (you know that), but, most importantly, not going to solve the issue and get you what you want.
Before we go any further, we have to understand, accept and appreciate the fact that your husband works long, hard hours to provide a good life for you and the kid. He provides a life where you are lucky enough to stay at home with the child, most are not so lucky. You also have to understand that, even if you have told him, he does not understand how you are feeling. Furthermore, he probably has no idea how to fix it. On top of that, more than likey in his mind, he is showing love, romance, etc. by providing the life for your family that ';you'; want. I tell you all this, because, if you are going to get what you want, without conflict, you need to see the world through his eyes. The last thing you want is any kind of conflict.
...so what do you do?
First off, you have to be realistic. If he works 12 hour days, he is going to be tired so staying up late and hanging out without him falling asleep, most nights, probably isn't realistic. However, we are not talking about every night, are we? Plus, you work hard to, you need to rest as well...so going to bed early in each others arms (ding, ding), lets say, 4 nights a week, wouldnt be bad, huh? Now, it probably isn't realistic to go out 3 nights a week, especially without the kid....so, lets say, 1 night a week, in a relaxing, stay at home setting, you guys find some sort of TV program you both like or you rent a movie or something. I know, it doesn't sound like much, but it would be like a date. Think about when you were young...some of the best dates were in parents basements snuggling up with a tv or movie, right? Maybe, on these nights (especially to start), you tell him, since you understand his fatigue, that he should take a nap while you take care of the kid, dinner, etc. This is good for you and him. Now, and this is so important in my book (my parents are the happiest married couple I have ever seen, married 35 years, and all of their lives, still today, they have done this), you gotta have a date night once a week without the kid. You gotta have a night that you 2 can go out, see a movie, concert, band, nice dinner, ball game, whatever...go home alone, wake up alone, be irresponsible lovers. Sometimes, it might be with friends...sometimes alone, don't matter...just do it...make it happen, you will both love it. Finally, you need to have 1 more day or evening of time together to share an interest or activity. It could be a walk, playing a game, riding a bike, just shopping and going out to eat...I don't know what it would be. Maybe it is just something as simple as playing cards, scrabble, some other game, having a beer or coffee or whatever you guys do.
I apologize for the length. Seriously, I'm 28 and I would give anything to have what my mom and dad have. Both of them work over 50 hours a week and are in their 50's. My dad runs an iron working company, and my mom is a surgical nurse. THEY ARE TIRED! They go to sleep on the couch at like 6 4 nights a week. However, Saturday night is date night. Friday night, they go out to eat and shop. Sunday's, during the summer, they hang out on the lake or in their pool...in the winter, they go to pro football games, concerts, whatever...something entertaining. Trust me, it works.
I cannot stress enough how ridiculous it is to blame a dude for working to hard to support his family. If you think about it, that is the most ridiculous thing in the world. What he does is a necessary evil for the betterment of your families life. Your needs are just as important. Balance is the key to success and happiness, right?
if thats his job theres not much to expect, untill he gets some free time, u should feel lucky that he loves u guys enough to work like that
My husband and I go through this rut from time to time. I get really frustrated about the lack of attention and lack of romance so I just tell him. I approach the issue like it is both of our faults so he will not feel like I am coming at him like a raging b*tch. I just tell him that we HAVE TO make time for us. I tell him that we have been neglecting one another and that it is starting to get to me. I try to never do it in an accusatory way like he is neglecting me. If a woman makes her husband feel that way all he is gonna do is back away even more. Good luck.
Oh, I'd enjoy that time slot! I'm in the same problem, but reversed! I can't remember when the last time it was that I was needed/wanted!
maybe he is not into you or maybe he does get out of work on time did you ever think he might be cheating on you just saying
TRY TO MAKE BATH TIME A LITTLE EARLIER. YOU AND HUBBY CAN CUT DOWN BATH TIME BY BATHING TOGETHER (SAVES WATER TOO). HIS WORK HOURS ARE WHAT THEY ARE, BUT IF YOU WANT MORE TIME WITH HIM, YOU NEED TO TAKE SHORTCUTS AND MAKE THINGS INTERESTING. GOOD LUCK.
Arrange for a sitter on one of his days off so you have time for the two of you. See if maybe one weeknight a week either of your parents or a family friend would keep the child overnight to allow for some time. Have dinner ready when he gets home or go out for a meal together if it's affordable.
He needs to change his job, or ask his work to let him work less hours, the only way to get more time together is to make it by cutting out other activities that take up all your time, in this case, his job!!
If you have the option, my thought would be maybe have someone keep your 2-yr old boy overnight ... at least once a week .... and cook him an Italian dinner in a new sexy negligee ... with wine (or a nice, rich beer) ... and then feed him strawberries dipped in chocolate for dessert while sitting on his lap. Let me know if it works !
how about talking with him telling him all that or when he gets there you dont want to ';bother'; him?
Tell him or just have someone else take care of the baby and be ready lol for your husband when he gets home from work..
he needs to change his job
I've been there and I know what he's going through. I've been so tired after a 12 hour day. He has to have a day off during the week. I'd catch him then. Communicate with him on this. Tell him you need his attention. Any job is either exhausting mentally or physically and that's what he's going through. Having a child is a commitment and a sacrifice. Try and convince him on his day off after he's rested a bit. No exscuse then.
Sit him down and talk to him about it.
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