I'm 16 and due to have my baby is September. I live with my father and I'm trying to think of a way to tell him I'd like to get married to the father of the baby instead of doing his plan. Not only does marriage seem to resolve a lot of issue's in the pregnancy, but I would also like my baby to grow up in a family and not have to switch to different homes every weekend.
My father's plan was signing up for assistance, since he's a single parent and only makes a little over a thousand a year, and then having the baby stay here during the week days while on weekends the baby and I stayed at the father's. I've tried bringing up marriage to him in the beginning, but he refused because his marriage went bad and because of taxes.
Here were the points I was thinking of bringing up to him: 1) Instead of having my father to get assistance and the baby's father having to get assistance too, getting married would mean just me and father signing up for the household(me, him and the child).
2) The house that I live in is small and already has to hold my father, me and my sister who comes over on weekends. It's only a two bedroom. My boyfriend's apt is a two bedroom, which would mean a little more room than what we have. One room for me and him, one room for the baby.
3) Since we're not married, state says we have to have child support filed for. Instead of having to go through the paperwork, court and everything, us getting married would mean no child support having to be paid.
I understand marriage tax is a big issue, but if that's the only thing that he's worried about, it shouldn't be a problem compared to if we didn't get married. My dad also told me that since I'm having a child, I need to be an adult and that he wasn't going to help me, just support me. Well if I'm going to be an adult, I would like to do the adult thing and get married.
Does anyone have any other idea's or ways that I should talk to him about getting married?How should I tell my dad I want to get married?
It is hard to support a marriage without knowing either of you, but in my opinion- it's not automatically a bad idea just because you are 16. That said, it will not be easy- but marriage isn't easy at any age... In your case, you have a boy friend who cares about you and your baby, he has a job, and you both have expressed a desire to marry. You have a lot to work with there. Many people don't have that situation. There are not many 16 year olds that I would not encourage to marry, but you aren't the average 16 yr old. Most 16 yr olds actually would have a better situation if they were to stay at home with family, but with you, I am not so sure.
BUT I am sure you are no stranger to hardship.
The truth is: life is hard... no matter what. Having a child will simply make that truth more apparent. Marriage is hard- relationships take work and commitment. Whether you marry or don't- you will face challenges. Marriage might make caring for your new baby seem simpler, more appealing even- but just like having a child- marriage is forever. Even if you decide to divorce down the road- it leaves a scar on you, your family, and your child. Marriage will forever change who you are- and the paths that you take. That said, it shouldn't be entered into unless you are both committed to making it work no matter what.
It seems that you both have good intentions, and that you are both willing to ';step up'; to the plate and make a family... There is absolutely nothing wrong with that, and marriage shouldn't be ruled out if you love that man. Just be prepared for it to be difficult and plan on staying in ti for the long haul. No matter when you marry- or who you marry- it will be hard. Love is a choice. Over time when the newness wears off, all you have left is a friendship and a commitment, and you 'll BOTH have to be diligent to keep the ';romance'; alive.
I think it's great you want to make the best decision for your child and in your situation. Marriage might just be the best option for you.How should I tell my dad I want to get married?
Marriage won't solve your problem. Marriage won't make you an adult either.
Listen to your father. He has a point.
you should tell every little discussion with your parents
make his cowardly *** talk to your dad :)
Are you working? Is your boyfriend working? Are you in school? Is your boyfriend in school? How are you going to pay for your expenses, your child's expenses, you families expenses? How do you plan to afford college for your child? My point is, I really hope you thought about all this before CHOOSING to have a baby. Having a child does not make you an adult. Making good choices and doing the responsible things in life make you an adult, even if the right thing is difficult and painful. Being an adult means means doing whats right for your child now, not doing the things that YOU want. I hope that you have an understanding that if you are a low income family, that this means that as a 16 yr old you will have to sacrifice many of the wonderful experiences that young adulthood would have presented you. When you want a nice haircut, clothes, fast-food, vacations, partying, jewelry, etc etc etc I hope you just remember that this money should go into a savings account for your child. Because it is your child now that will be important. Every great parent wants their children to have a better life than what they had, and this means provide them with an education, discipline, moral guidance, and hopefully your child will finish college, begin a career, enjoy their own life for a while, and THEN choose to get married and THEN have a child. You're 16, GET AN ABORTION!!!!!!!!
You should really wait until the baby is born, and you know a little bit more about what the future will be like for you. There will always be time to get married to your boyfriend, and if this is what you both want, it is better to wait until you are a little more established in your new roles. But that being said, you have taken on the ultimate in adult roles by having a child, so you should feel confident in your ability to make other decisions for yourself.
But I would listen to dad on this one, just take your time, and good luck to both of you with your new family.
getting married will not make things better, though it will get you out of your fathers house,, but since you are 16 you are going to need his permission to legally get married, suck up so he will.
as for you two getting married, what does your boyfriend make, he lives alone and he pays his own bills... when you two get married his income will factor into what ever kind of assistance you will need and since you are already 4 months pregnant right, you are already on medical insurance with the state,, that will be effected by you getting married, you might lose it.. then what..
i would wait until you have the baby and a little after that,, talk your dad into letting you move out and in with the boyfriend..
being single you get more help with assistance..
why can't you get emancipated.??
i think you should both go to your farther and tell him you want to get married tell him that he wants to take care of you and the baby, and your thinking about the baby first and the best thing for the baby is to get married. i moved in with my boyfriend when i was pregnant and i was only 17. now that im going to be 18 we plan to get married we have only been together for a little over a year now and i know that i want to be with my baby's father and have our family together. i understand exactly where your coming from. i went and got on medicaid as soon as i found out i was pregnant it will get very expensive if you don't have insurance. also as soon as you have the baby you are legally emancipated because you have a child of your own your father no longer has the legal obligation to take care of you. i don't know if is like that everywhere but i would check into it if i were you
Think about this a little more. Getting married really wouldn't solve that many problems. You're only 16, so it's highly unlikely that you and this guy will stay together. Getting married so young will likely result in divorce, which would mean that your kid would have to be switching houses anyway.
You two are going to want to move on with your lives eventually, and even if your relationship continues on for a while longer, in 5 or 10 years you will most certainly be completely different people who will want different things. Do you know for sure that your boyfriend wants to marry you? Has he asked you? Consider him in this, too. Then ask your dad.
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