Not attracted to husband but love him dearly?

First of all I want to say thank you for taking the time to read this. I have been married to my husband for 7 years after dating for 2. At first the sexual relationship was great. We would do it everyday, sometimes twice. But after we got married, I got to know the ';real'; him, if you know what I mean. I dont want to go into details, but he did horrible things to me. Physically and verbally. I left him many times, but would come back. I dont know why. Any way, the sexual attraction for him was gone. I could not bear him touching me. I actually get disgusted when he kisses me, or makes love to me. The thing is, he is a wonderful lover. He will do everything in the book to try to please me. Always has. But I feel completely numb to his caresses. We spoke about this on several occasions. We got help, and I know he is sorry for the things he has done. You could say we have a close to perfect marriage the last 2 almost 3 years. He is a totally different man. He is so considerate, loving, caring. He apologizes for everything he has done. Even crying. And I believe him. I KNOW he has changed. His actions prove it. But Im still not attracted to him. I love him dearly. I see myself with him my whole life. But I cant make myself feel good with him in bed. The times that I do, I have to ';prepare'; my self mentally all day. I think about sex, how wonderful it is. And when I get home I take a slow shower or bubble bath and maybe do a llittle touching, and than Im able to have an orgasm with him. But its still somewhat disconnected. I close my eyes and just concentrate on the pleasure, not that its him giving it. It takes a lot of concentration to get there. But these times are very rare. I dont have a lack of desire. Im actually really horny. (im sorry, I dont know what other word to use in this website). But I find Iam frustrated, because I think about how good it feels to be touched, kissed, intercourse, and I feel Im ready, but when he starts, everything crumbles up. I have tons of wet dreams, with strangers. Now, Iam a spiritual woman. I try to do Gods will. And being unfaithfull is definitely not something he likes. And I could never hurt my husband like that. But it is becoming very hard to stay faithful. I havent done anything. Not even a word or kiss. YET. But I find myself extremely, sexually attracted to this man at work. And he has made it clear that he likes me too. But respects that Im married, unless I change my mind. He is the biggest ';crush'; you could say. But there are other men I meet at work, meetings, that hit on me, that I find attractive. Its becoming very hard to stay faithful. I find myself daydreaming what it would be like to have sex with this man and that one. Its wrong I know! And I ask God to forgive everyday. But I feel I need to have some sort of sexual release. Years ago, I would just simply see these men as what they were, good looking men, even sexy. Im not blind. But it wouldnt go further than that. Cheating on my husband wouldnt even cross my mind. But not now. I dont know what to do. I'am sexually frustrated, deprived, (doesnt make sense because I get it all the time), but no satisfaction. I want to feel what I felt with my husband before. I want to get wet just thinking about him. Like before. I want to stop finding other men sexually desireble. He really is a great lover. But its not happening. I dont want to cheat on him. I want to be a good wife. I love him. And its not fair that after all he has done for our marriage, all the wonderfull changes has made, I dont respond in kind. He knows this to. And sometimes he is very depressed that he can no longer please me. He knows why too. We dont talk about it anymore. How can I leave the past behind? I have forgiven him. But its almost like my subconscious remembers. And my body wont respond.Not attracted to husband but love him dearly?
GIVE ME YOUR NUMBER OR GO TO A WHRE HOUSE, IF YOUR HUSBANDS NOT MAN ENOUGH LEAVE HIMNot attracted to husband but love him dearly?
Seeing the opposite sex as sexually desireable will NEVER go away! Married or not! You will always mentally wonder what it would be like. Men and woman BOTH do it. But its all about not acting on those desires! Get shytt right with your husband, he IS doing his job and screwing you so he is doing his part.
Sounds like you need more therapy.
You are an honest woman, and a good woman, you don't need our opinion because you will do what is right for you. Good luck.
Chicken Ranch. You're a born pro. Admit it. Stop the mental gymnastics.
Having a sexual affair with other men at work etc will not solve anything, it will make your problems worse.


If you do not find sexual release with your husband, you should learn to please yourself sometimes. There is nothing wrong with that. It will release the tension. It is better than staying horny and lusting after men at work.


You say that your husband is a good lover, but you must guide him to do all the right things.


If you do not like his direct contact, maybe you can buy a sex toy and he can use this on you.


Also: there is nothing wrong with having fantasies while you are having sex with your hubby, if it helps.
I think you would benefit from sex counseling/therapy. For example here's a link. http://www.christian-sextherapy.com/ It's brave of you to want to stop any cheating behavior before it starts. I'll be praying for you.
I think that in you situation maybe you should take a little time off sex if you have it at all. Take some time for yourself, go see someone a therapist, and a doctor just to rule out that there is not anything medically wrong with ya. I am very glad to hear that he changed for the relationship that happens so little especially on a man's end. However, do you love him? I mean head over heels, reach for the stars more than yourself love him? Do the two of yall have kids is that why you are with him? From experience you can make yourself think that you are in love some to a point if you have good enough reasons to do so. Your husband was willing and did change for you; he is in love with you and is now the kind of guy that you want to be with and you have put a lot of time into the relationship. The two of yall have kids and you do not want to leave him because of them. These are some examples in your situation why you might think you love him but really don't. Take time to think about why you are with him.
You say so many good things about the man and rattle on about your love for him and God but everything in your statement pertains to sex. Marriage and love is a beautiful thing. So is sex. You say you are committed despite not being happy in the bedroom but I don't buy it. If you really love him and seek a happy relationship you will forget this crush you have on another man and work on truly forgiving and overlooking the past. Maybe this will be done through therapy, maybe it will be done by perseverance but one thing is for sure...it won't be done by dwelling on sex. Lay low on the sex and work on your relationship. In time it will either come natural or your relationship may be laid to rest. Either way it won't be pressured by your desires for a perfect sex life and need to pleasure yourself. Most of your problem is indeed in your subconscious...and if you can't tame that or get over your past problems then your mindset will ruin your marriage and psyche. Good luck
You're a christian so my answer will center around biblical teachings and God.





You're thinking too much about your own desires. The heart of chirsitanity is putting God first. His will be done, not ours. You need to pray for God's will to be your own. You already know fantasizing about other men is sinful.


James 4:7


';Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.';





How much do you really submit to God? Remember you have control over your mind/fantasies.





Marriages go through a lot of ups and downs, but you made a vow (a promise) to God and your husband to stick with this marriage through better or worse. Right now you're going through the worse part. It's not uncommon for partners to go through what you're going through. This is why there are so many divorces today. Someone wasn't satisfied and looked somewhere else for gratification.





It may take a while to get back to where you use to be with your husband. That's alright. There's more to marriage than sex. Sex is just one part of it. Give it more time than just a few years.





Your husband is holding up to his end of the deal in the marriage but you're not.





I think the problem is you're lusting after other men. If that is really the case then the next man won't be able to satisfy you and neither will the one after him. Do you get my point?





Do not think about sex all the time or other men. Only think about sex with your husband and him only. Train your mind to only associate sex with him instead of other men. You're giving yourself too much freedom in this area instead of protecting your feelings. Remember you have control over your thoughts and body! Don't indulge in sinful thoughts!





And last but not least, don't allow your vagina to rule your entire life. Don't allow a member of your body to overtake your brain.





I'm sorry if this answer sounds a little harsh, but when it comes down to it we must separate fact from fiction. You're living too much in a fantasy world and may be looking for an excuse to cheat, even if you don't yet realize it.





Don't send me a nasty pm if I've offended you. It's not my intentions. You asked so I replied. If you don't like my answer then move along to another one. I'm sure you'll get a lot of other people telling you life is too short so find another man.